SNL Season 42: Margot Robbie - Actress Round Table

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Karen Domineau ..... Aidy Bryant
Marion Cotillard ..... Cecily Strong
Keira Knightly ..... Margot Robbie
Lupita Nyong'o ..... Sasheer Zamata
Debette Goldry ..... Kate McKinnon

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Karen Domineau: Hello, and welcome to the 2016 New York Film Festival Actress Round Table. Now today our topic is "Women in Hollywood" and "Hollywood in Women". Joining me are some of the industry's leaders. To my left, Academy Award Winner, Marion Cotillard.

Marion Cotillard: Bonjour, thank you, it is an honor.

Karen Domineau: Star of the "Imitation Game, Keira Knightley.

Keira Knightley: Thank you! Actually, it's so great to be here supporting women in film.

Karen Domineau: And her film, "Queen of Katwe" is in theater's now, Miss Lupita Nyong'o.

Lupita Nyong'o: Thank you for having me.

Karen Domineau: And we are thrilled to have with us today, a Hollywood legend whose career spans eight decade. She worked for Humphrey Bogart, Cecil B. DeMille and Alfred Hitchcock, to name a few, the great, Debette Goldry.

Debette Goldry: It's a pleasure to be alive.

Karen Domineau: Well, let's get started now. As women, what are some of the unique challenges you faced in your film careers?

Keira Knightley: Well, you know, the roles just aren't there. I mean, everyone wants to cast as the girlfriend, mother, the beautiful girlfriend, the beautiful mother.

Lupita Nyong'o: Exactly. Everyone asks what you're wearing but nobody ask what you're thinking.

Debette Goldry: Everyone gives you drugs to wake you up, drugs to go to sleep.

Karen Domineau: What?

Debette Goldry: And, back at MGM, they'd give me opioid injections between my toes to keep me quiet between takes and then they'd have a little man to give a shot of amphetamines to say my lines. [reenact moment] Stop hitting me with that shovel, Clark Gable! You know, then more opiates. [to the actresses] You girls know how it is.

Keira Knightley: [holding laughter] No, we don't. Is that a thing that happened? [almost laugh]

Debette Goldry: Well, um, sweetheart, with opium, you never really know, do you? 

Karen Domineau: Uh, Debette brings up a good point, though. Have there been moments where you felt you been treated differently because you're a woman?

Lupita Nyong'o: Oh, of course. I've had so many meetings where the men hit on me. It's so disgraceful.

Debette Goldry: Uh, I gotta agree with Lil Peter No-no over here. I once had an audition where the producers said "Have sex with me and I'll give you the part".

Lupita Nyong'o: Oh my god! What did you do?

Debette Goldry: I-I had sex with him and he gave me the part. It was a fair trade.

Karen Domineau: Okay, uh, let's pivot a little, right? Uh-uh, women in this industry are often not paid as much as the men. So, how have you managed to advocate for yourselves financially?

Keira Knightley: I'm so glad, you brought this up, cuz yeah, I'm able to get five million now but I'm -

Debette Goldry: Five million dollars?! Wow! Well, they used to pay me in brooches. And they had it in my contract that I have to entertain our troops for free. It wasn't until I get over there, I found out it was for the other side. Long story short, I ended up flapping my toots for a bunch of krauts. But that's Hollywood, baby! 

Keira Knightley: Wait, you, um, you stripped for Nazis? 

Debette Goldry: I did what I had to do to support our boys.

Marion Cotillard: I'm sorry, I would like to say something.

Karen Domineau: Oh-okay, thank god.

Marion Cotillard: Equal pay for the actresses is part of the solution but the main thing we need is more women writing the parts.

Debette Goldry: Women writers? You got to teach them how to read. They-they actually try to teach me how to read once by putting peanut butter in my mouth and then they remembered that's how you make them look like a horse talk, so they gave the part to a horse.

Karen Domineau: I-I don't even know where to begin responding to that.

Debette Goldry: Well, to answer your question, Little Peter, I did wind up pregnant.

Karen Domineau: Okay, well, she didn't ask that and neither did I.

Debette Goldry: And to cover it up, they force me to marry a chimp. I said to them, I don't want thing pumping around on top of me. Turns out, okay, the chimp was homosexual, so we lived a very peaceful life together, best of friends, but then the little baboon ran off with my brooches. Man!

Karen Domineau: Okay. That's all the time we have. 

Debette Goldry: Well, I know what that means. Alright you Krauts, get your kicks ready while you can. [opens jacket and reveal a glittery blue tank top inside]

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